Auditions
by did you say lightswitch
Summary: crack story!...Raito is having auditions for a girlfriend...mild language and ideas...please enjoy


**Auditions**** for a "Girlfriend" for Raito**

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**Author's Notes: **This story is what results from six hours of boredom and a creative mind. I hope everyone enjoys this. I know that I definitely enjoyed writing it! Sorry about the spelling/grammar errors if there are any…

Sorry about the errors in the original one...thank you Pineapple-Sister for pointing them out...

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_Raito is sitting at a table in a small auditorium with a long list of names lying on the table. The room, otherwise, is empty._

-Door Opens- Misa Amane Enters-

**Raito:** Welcome. Take a seat. Name, please?

**Misa:** Aw…Raito!

**Raito:** I'm sorry. I have no one with the name "Raito" on the list. Please exit through the door on the left.

_Misa stares at Raito with her mouth open. She stands up, crying, and runs towards the door. She runs to push it open, but, of course, it is a pull door. Raito laughs as she smacks the door with a soft thud._

-Door Opens- Kiyomi Takada Enters-

**Raito: **_Talking to himself._ She was annoying anyhow.

**Takada: **_Fearfully._ Hi Raito.

**Raito:** Welcome. Take a seat. Name, please?

**Takada: **Kiyomi Takada.

**Raito: **And what do you think makes you a good candidate for a girlfriend?

**Takada:** I'm smart, I'm pretty, I've got a good job, I adore Kira…

**Raito: **_Coldly._ Shut up. You're not that great. Stop lying to yourself. Next.

_Takada looks confused, but gets up to leave. She pulls open the door, to Raito's dismay, and walks out into the hall where she is confronted by Misa Amane._

-Door Opens- Matsuda walks in.-

**Raito: **What the hell? I KNEW you were gay! Just turn around and leave. I'm not looking for guys.

_Matsuda looks crestfallen, but he obeys, as always._

-Door Opens- Rem Enters-

**Raito:** Oh great…

**Rem: **How dare you hurt my Misa's feelings! I'm going to KILL you!

_Rem pulls out her notebook to write Raito's name, but she "dissolves" into dust._

**Raito: **Phew. That was close. Next.

-Door Opens- Aizawa walks in-

**Aizawa: **I know you are Kira!

**Raito: **_Calmly._ Nope, the name's Raito. If you are looking for the Kira auditions, those are next door.

_Aizawa, clearly fuming, turns to exit. Once his back is turned, Raito pulls out the Death Note, and writes Aizawa's name._

-Door Opens- Mogi walks in.-

**Raito: **I AM NOT GAY! LEAVE NOW!

_Mogi turns around as he mutters something about being the faithful one when he comes face-to-face with the dead Aizawa and passes out._

-Door Opens- Matsuda Re-enters-

**Raito: **_Glances up from his sheet and turns red._ You already were here…I'm not gay!

**Matsuda: **Aw…give me a break…I'm your #1 follower in the SPK…

**Raito: **_Glares at Matsuda._ You are so ignorant! If I wanted someone that dumb, I would be dating Misa!

**Matsuda:** _Clearly distracted._ Misa Misa's here? _Runs out door screaming Misa Misa like a crazed fan._

**Raito: **_With head leaned on his hand._ Gosh. I need a break. _Raito gets up and walks out of the room._

_In the corner of the hall you see Matsuda chasing after the crying Misa, Takada nursing a black eye, and many other excited people._

**Everyone: **OMG! It's Raito!

_Raito takes off in the opposite direction of his crazed fans and runs into the bathroom where he locks the door._

**Raito: **Phew. That was close. _Raito turns around and comes face-to-face with three very familiar people…_

**L: **Hello, Raito.

**Near: **Haha…Kira!

**Mello: **_Twitches._ Banana?

**Raito: **_Eyes wide and mouth open._ Um…hi… _Backs up trying to get away from those whom he thinks are psychotic stalkers. His back hits the wall with a soft thud. He starts groping across the wall for the door._

**L: **Don't worry Raito. We won't hurt you…much. _He starts to move towards Raito. Near smiles maniacally and begins to laugh. Mello pulls out a chainsaw._

**Mello:** _Turns on chainsaw._ Fruit salad!

_Raito wakes up screaming in terror. He hears rough laughing that sounds like nails on a chalkboard._

**Raito:** _Angrily._ Ryuuk! What's so funny? _Raito glares, realizing what Ryuuk was laughing about._

**Ryuuk: **_Stops laughing and maintains a serious expression._

#1: You woke up screaming like a little girl.

#2: You drooled on my Death Note. Oh yeah, and by the way, you better have that cleaned.

#3: _Starts laughing._ You wet yourself.

**Raito:** Well, I'm glad you are entertained._ Thinks for a moment._ Hey, are you sure that I can't kill you by writing your name in your Death Note? _Raito reaches for the Death Note, and Ryuuk begins to laugh harder._

**Raito: **What is it?

**Ryuuk: **You never let me get to #4.

**Raito: **Fine. How much more embarrassing could it be?

**Ryuuk: **#4: You made out with your pillow and called it Matsuda.

_Raito throws the before mentioned pillow at Ryuuk._

**Ryuuk: **Hey! That's no way to treat a lover!

**THE END**

**Ryuuk: **Man, humans sure are interesting…

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**Author's Note: **So…how'd you like it? Please tell me! Submit a review! I need motivation before I begin to write another story!


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